Good Friday!

My backache is really killing me. I cant sit on normal chairs, I must sit on those that recline to support the contour of your back. And, tell me just how many chairs are like that?

And sleep, it's no longer peaceful. I kept on waking up and just last night I could not sleep till it was past 3am. The spouse had gone out with some friends and was shocked to see me still awake at that hour. Anyway, I should not be complaining coz my check up was good and my gynae is pleased with my progress.

The baby is 34weeks today. My next target is 37weeks. I have been scheduled for elective caesarean on the 21st July. I should be almost 38weeks by then. My gynae refused to delay further because my cervix is soft and she is afraid that my cerclage may give way. My weight now is 55.5kg. I am a kilogram heavier than my last check up. I feel really big and bloated but there are some people who still think that my tummy is still pretty small. So, I cant really tell but boy, am I feeling big.

We did not go to Johor Bahru as planned coz at the last minute, I really didnt feel like going up there without the kids.

Anyway, after the check-up, the spouse wanted to surprise me with a trip to The Fullerton Hotel to enjoy their chocolate buffet but I decided to give that a miss because I know that I cannot stomach as much chocolate as I want to due to my heartburn and also because the kids love chocolates! How can I go there without having them around to enjoy the chocolates with? The spouse was a little disappointed, I could tell, but he did not say anything when he called to cancel the reservation. At last, we decided to go to the Metro Great Singapore Sale at the Singapore Expo.

Needless to say, we spent quite a bit, mainly stuff for the spouse and the kids and for everyone else in the house. The spouse got himself some real good buys, like a new pair of jeans and shoes and he's got himself some boxer shorts and t-shirts too. The boys got a nice t-shirt each and a new set of pyjamas, Zaza got a new pair of jeans and a new set of pyjamas too. Oh yes, we bought towels for all as well and 3 rompers for the baby and baby wipes. My niece, nephew, dad, mom and our helper got something too and after giving out everything to everyone, I realised that other than the bath towel, the only thing I got for myself was a pack of disposable panties.

Disposable panties? Almost 3 hours of shopping and standing and I only got myself disposable panties? What was I thinking??

Well, not too late, the sale is on till tomorrow and maybe, just maybe, if I could convince the spouse that the shirt he saw was really worth buying, we may just go back there tomorrow and I can get something neat for myself.

Oh, by the way, did I say that we bought almost $100 worth of chocolates. It was on sale there and we just grabbed them all. So, we did have a buffet of chocolates last night after the shopping trip. And the best thing is, everyone was happy. :)

Goodbye Holidays!!

The school is re-opening next week and my mom is slowly heaving a sigh of relief. LOL!! I can understand how she feels. The boys have been testing her patience over the past 3 plus weeks and she told me that she was amazed that she did not collapse from exhaustion.

Feroz, as usual, is the number one culprit. He drew on walls, threw frames of photographs out the window, spat eggs all over the house and has been misbehaving every single day of the holiday. On top of that, he dragged both Naseer and Zaza into the picture and my mom has to deal with 3 hyper children who can really drive you nuts.

She has been counting the days and this morning she told me that she has only 4 full days left with them over breakfast. I was laughing away when she mentioned, "Your children are one of a kind. I really do not know what kind of genes run in their body." I reminded her that she also contributed to the genes-factor. But really come to think of it, my children are different, they are SO EXTREMELY NAUGHTY that I also wonder if something went wrong somewhere when we conceived them.

Anyway, the boys are not looking forward to school. Naseer said that he is going to miss waking up late. They usually wake up around 7.30am on school days as opposed to 9-10am during the holidays. He also told me that there are too many good shows in the morning that he will miss watching.

Feroz, on the other hand, is not bothered. He could not care less. Whether or not he goes to school, he still terrorises everyone in the house, so really, no big deal to him.

But I like that school is re-opening soon. Even though I have to rush in the morning and wake up extra early to prepare the boys' breakfast etc, I also get to enjoy a nice warm cup of milk or Milo each night with the spouse because the kids will be knocked out by 9.30pm on school days. Now, they sleep at 11pm or later, and by the time, I get up again to spend some time with the spouse, it will be almost midnight and the 2 of us will be too tired to talk about anything.

Oh, by the way, the spouse tried putting them to sleep last night while I ogle at Jon Jonsson but he was unsuccessful. Well, he did everything from singing lullabies, telling stories, closing eyes, patting and everything else but he forgot the number one rule of putting your kids to sleep. He forgot to OFF the lights.

So, I had to take over soon after. *Sigh*

The spouse and I will be on leave on Friday. I have my appointment at 4pm with my gynae and we plan to go to Johor Bahru to shop for some baby stuff before that. Mom is not too pleased with me travelling but we shall be taking a cab from Queen's Street right to City Square and I am just going to shop at one location on the 3rd floor and that is the Anakku store. I love their baby clothes and their baby powder. We are just going to be there, just the spouse and me, without the kids, hehe. It's like a date. The spouse said that I should not have told my mom but I was worried that she might need to get in touch with me over some urgent matter. Anyway, we are still going, I am getting bigger and the authorities may just decide that I cannot go into Johor Bahru if I delay anymore.

Anyway, my Mom is never pleased with anything nowadays. She frowned upon me going to the mall last weekend because I needed to pick up a birthday gift for a colleague. Strange. I thought she was more concerned about having to deal with the kids while I was away more than the fact that I am heavily pregnant.

My body is still aching and I am getting lazier each day. Really wish I dont have to work. I know my colleagues are giving me the stare coz I am always facing the computer but I really has nothing to do and I hate to pretend that I am busy when I am not, so I'd just read a book or surf the net to pass the time.

Well, our Chairman has been calling me every other day asking when I'd start my maternity leave. I have yet to give him an answer. Heard from a colleague that he wants his daughter to cover me when I am away for maternity leave. I dont know if that is good news. He may just decide to make do without me after the maternity leave is over. And thus, that will leave me jobless after that. As much as I hate working, I really love what I am doing here, so ironical right? Told the spouse my worries and knowing his philosophy, "worry when the time comes", I think I should not have discussed this with him at all.

Anyway, I cant be too hopeful, have to prepare myself for the worst.

Oh, by the way, I was reading today's papers about how a baby has gone missing in Kedah, Malaysia from the hospital nursery. The mom just delivered the baby in the morning and at around 2.20pm, the baby was kidnapped from the hospital. I dont understand. Isnt the nursery locked from inside and it's only for staff to enter? How can a baby go missing just like that. They only had 8 babies to care for at that point of time and 2 staff working, so where's the rationale?

Could this be an insider's job? I wonder.

Just...

I made 2 entries today but I decided to keep it as draft because I wasnt sure if I wanted people to read them. One of the entry concerns the spouse work and I was just thinking that he may not be comfortable with me writing that. So I am left with nothing to write and I am so bored and tired and sleepy.
*Sigh* I missed those days when I was a SAHM. I wish I can be home now all cuddled up with the 3 kids, sleeping with the air con on in this cool, wet, lovely weather. I AM SO BORED!!!!!

Work, fun and weddings.

I was just decluttering some old files when I realised that the temp staff who took over me when I was on hospitalisation leave did not update some stuff in the computer. Yikes!! Serve me right for assuming that she had done it since it takes only half an hour to update for a week's work.

I am lucky that no one here checks my work. I would have been slammed if they realised that the entries were empty. So, here I am updating my blog instead, hehe, coz I know that I am pretty free today so will be able to get things done by the end of the day.

Anyway, back to my real life. The spouse's work place organised a family day yesterday at Sentosa and the spouse bought a set of family tickets for us but we decided not to go in the end because I was panting and the spouse was afraid that the baby may decide to pop there. TOUCH WOOD!! I almost killed him when he mentioned that. So, I passed the tickets to my colleagues since it was going to be a waste as we had paid for it and there were door gifts, KFC meals, kids toys, games etc. So, we stayed home and attended a neighbour's void deck wedding under our block.

I have always been a little uncomfortable with void-deck weddings. I mean, there are many spaces / places that the government had prepared for us to hold functions, like an open space garden, the community club, restaurants and hotels for the more affluent, so I really cannot quite understand why people choose to hold it at the void deck. I am not being arrogant here but really, you spend more than a thousand bucks for decoration under the block, I am talking about hotel decoration here with table and chairs that were covered in white throwover and pretty pastel colored ribbons, and you have a red carpet leading to the bridal dais. I mean, if you can splurge so much on these things, what's another couple of hundreds to rent a space. Anyway, you are already paying a sum of money for rental at the void deck.

Why does the void deck irk me? 2 experiences. One, they usually cook behind where the rubbish chutes are and can you imagine the cleaners coming and washing the chute and taking the rubbish out while they were cooking a few paces away. I find it so difficult to stomach. Secondly, once when we attended a wedding, a lady committed suicide and jumped from the above unit and landed on the canvas where the cook was cooking and her body rolled down onto the pavement right in front of the pot. Can you imagine what it would be like if she had landed in the pot instead? I know this is an isolated case, but still, it happened right in front of our eyes, so till today, we could not really forget it.

Well, anyway, I was glad when my neighbour had the food cooked else where and it was just transported over to the block and served on food warmers. I still prefer for weddings to be held elsewhere other than the void deck, but it is not my wedding and who am I to comment. But still, void deck wedding? I still cant swallow that.

My parents

My parents are back from their KL trip. They went to a wedding over the weekend and both my mom and dad were invited to grace a show in KL itself on Tuesday night.
Actually, my mom was the VIP but since couples come in two, they had to invite my dad too.

Even though they are already old, mom is 68 and dad is 72, I know that both my parents enjoy such trips. They got to meet old friends, put up in first class hotels for free, food and transportation all provided for and mom would be given a token sum of money to spend there, usually nothing smaller than RM500. For them, it's also a time to unwind and get away from my kids.

I usually have no problem letting them go except for one thing. When they come back, one of them will definitely fall sick. And I will start worrying for days.
I think despite them enjoying the trip, I feel that they over-indulged. Dad especially. He has a heart problem and a history of other related sickness, like high blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol etc. But he would not control his diet when he's abroad. You know, how hotel food is like, all rich and unhealthy. Dad would just sweep everything off the buffet table, from the roasted lamb to the oily drumsticks, and knowing his sweet-tooth, he would just gather a big huge plate of desserts, mostly made up of chocolate cupcakes. He would then grab a plateful of fruits to "wash all the oil and fats away", he claimed. I guess that's just to "balance" up his diet.

Mom, on the other hand, though not a big eater (she still watches her weight and is often conscious of how she looks) is not strong healthwise. She would get tired after each trip, I think her body just could not take the late nights and long journeys. Thus, she often falls sick after each trip. Just last night, she had a runny nose and this morning, she complained of a heavy head and sore throat.

The two of them have another show to attend in the month of July. Both were already talking so much about it last night. They were like teenagers, discussing what to wear, what to bring, what to expect. Mom was thinking of having another baju kurung or baju kebaya sewn just for the occasion. I was going "OH MY GOD"!! She has 3 4-door wardrobes full of clothes and some is not even worn yet. Oh, let me correct that, it should be 3 1/2 wardrobe because she uses half of my wardrobe since there is no more space in hers. Then, she decided that maybe she can buy a ready made jelbab and she saw this while I was surfing the net last night and I thought just maybe, I should get it for her. It looks pleasant enough and I am pretty sure that my mom can carry it off.
Dad, on the other hand, is looking at his old suit. Planning to have it dry-cleaned.

And during all these talk, I was thinking to myself, they are like so eager about the whole thing, just like teenagers planning to dress up for prom night. At this stage, though I worry for my parents health and age and what to come, I am glad that despite what they had been through between them, they could still sit and discuss things that make them happy.

Happy Birthday Miracle!!

Jin's little girl, Miracle, turns one today.

Sorry, this aunty is hopeless, till today still do not know how to input image on the blog. *blushing* So, I cant send you beautiful and cute pictures of birthday wish but I wanna wish you the best of health and may you always be showered with love and happiness.
But I wanna dedicate the Carpenter's song to this little miracle baby, everytime I think of Miracle, I will start humming this song, it just seems so apt.

Close To You - Carpenters

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the moms in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the moms in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Just like me (Just like me)
They long to be
Close to you.

Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Hahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Lahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.

Happy Birthday Miracle!!

Wind Chime

I never liked them. In fact, I always get goosebumps whenever I hear the wind chime. There is a block of private apartment (4 storeys high) at the back of our mosque. Each time I have to go up to the ladies' prayer hall to open the door or to perform my prayers I will hear the ringing of this wind chime. Initially, I thought it was a bell to inform us that there is someone at the counter in the office on the third floor but then I realised that it was coming from the back, so as I went up the stairs and looked out the window, I noticed that one of the house has a wind chime being tied to the kitchen window.

It is a simple chime. It looks like a bell with a string and a rectangular piece of tile, I think, dangling from the string. Immediately, the hair on my neck stand. I retracted my steps and decided to take the lift up to the 3rd floor whenever I need to go to the prayer hall from then on. However, I can still hear the bell when I am in the prayer hall. Their apartments are really near our mosque so there is no way I can avoid the sound.

So, I have learned to live with it but I still take the lift to the 3rd floor just so that I dont have to see the wind chime when I walk up the stairs.

Anyway, my fear for wind chimes started when I was young, maybe about 10years old. My family and I were still staying at Opera Estate. My mom loved to decorate the house with flowers, vases, portraits and wind chimes.

My dad used to be an avid traveller and each time he travelled, he would bring back all these stuff for my mom to decorate the house. We had many chimes. The type that would knock into each other and made those type of tinkling noises coz they were often made of porcelain. Some were made of metal and some made of shell.

However, there was a particular one that my dad bought from the Philippines. It was beautiful, made of some kind of animal's hide, I think. It was cut into shapes of rounds and triangles and the edges were soldered in gold colour. It was beige and it was quite huge, looked a lot like a mini chandelier minus the lights. My mom fell in love with it the first time she saw it. She hung it in the living room and when we opened the door and the breeze blew in, it gave the most pleasant of sound. The sound came from the golden edges that the hide were casted in. Well, according to Feng Shui philosophy, the pleasing sound of wind chimes is said to activate favourable energy or chi and my dad thought that was just what we needed to bring in positive energy to our home.
With that wind chime, the home seemed complete.

As a child, I loved jumping up and trying to reach the wind chime just to get that pleasant sound during the day time. It was a game that my sisters and I played and even the adults would just reach out their hands to touch the chime so that they could hear the pleasant sound that it gave out.

Well, I guess it's either you choose to believe it or not but I think all these feng shui talk is nothing but just talk. We did not have a good night sleep anymore after the wind chime was hung in the living room.

The wind chime chimed despite no wind blowing, especially at night when all our doors and windows were locked and all of us were trying to sleep. We heard it every night and as soon as dawn appeared, it mysteriously stopped making any sound.

Once, I heard some chatting at the top of the staircase. I got up and pressed my ears to the door and heard my parents talking. I opened the door and they saw me and they told me to go back to sleep. My dad had a walking stick in his hand and a torchlight. Downstairs, I could hear the wind chime loud and clear. You know, how sound are often much too loud at night, as if it was amplified. My dad was contemplating going down to take a look at what was making the sound and my mom was holding onto his arms, obviously scared.

I refused to go back to sleep and wanted to follow them downstairs to take a look at what was disturbing the wind chime. Mom said that there was a possibility that she forgot to close the sliding windows and maybe, just maybe, she forgot to lock the back door too so someone could have slipped in and played with the wind chime. The sound did not stop. It was as if someone was just standing under the wind chime and running his/her hands through it over and over again. At last, my dad summoned enough courage to go down and face the culprit. We went down with him.

He was a few steps in front of us. He finally reached downstairs, on the light and stood facing the living room, he just stood there and stared. Mom and I crept behind him and we joined him in the staring game. The wind chime was motionless but the sound was still there, loud and clear. It was not moving at all but the sound was coming directly from it, like someone was playing with it over and over again. The 3 of us just stood there and stared at the wind chime giving out sound. Dad was the first to get out of the trance and he took a chair and brought the wind chime down. He checked every part of the chime to see if there was a sensor that could cause it to give out sound or maybe, just maybe, this wind chime could be battery-operated and he was looking for the on and off button. There was nothing. It was just a lovely windchime that would give out sound when the wind blew. My mom broke the silence and asked my dad where exactly did he got it from and if the seller told my dad anything about it. Dad could not recall anything strange during the buy except that the seller immediately agreed to the sale when my dad bargained to a much cheaper amount. That was it. My mom took a plastic bag and placed the chime in the bag and chucked it in the store room. Then we went up to sleep.

The next day, when I woke up, my parents already had their breakfast and dad was reading the papers as usual before going off to work. The plastic bag was already on the table and mom was quiet. I asked her if we were going to get rid of it and she said yes. Seemed like they did a check again in the morning and could not find any switch that might trigger the sound. I just shrugged but I was scared. I asked mom if the chime could be haunted, mom just shushed me and told me not to tell my sisters about it. (by the way, they had gone to school coz they were in the morning session) How could I not tell? This was so much like a ghost story and you know how kids were so fascinated with ghosts and the supernatural.

So, that night, when we were going to sleep, I told them what happened the previous night, from hearing my parents talked to my mom keeping it in the store room. My sisters said that I was a liar and that it could not be. I insisted that I was telling the truth and my second sister refused to believe what I said. I told her to ask mom about it and so, all 4 of us went down to the kitchen where mom and dad was and I just blabbered on about last night and how they did not believe me. That was when my second sis said, "You are lying, if mom had kept it in the store room, then why was it still up there hanging in the living room when I got up this morning."
I looked at her in horror and I looked at my parents. My mom looked at me and my dad nervously and just mumbled something about taking it out and putting it back up but I knew that she was lying. She then sent us all back to the room.

It was then I knew that something was wrong with that chime. It was with us only a few days, not even a week and after that incident, mom took down all the other wind chimes that we had and gave it away to friends or relatives.

Since then, I developed a fear for wind chimes. I am not fascinated with them, no matter how pretty and I always feel uncomfortable stepping into houses that keep them.

Just what does the word OPPOSITE mean?

I get people coming to the counter everyday asking me for application forms for a job in Dubai. They'd come in and insist that the advertisements in the papers state that they can get the forms from our mosque.
Armed with the papers, they'd go a step further to show me the 4-lined ad that says, "Wanna work in Dubai. Come and apply personally at XXXX, directly OPPOSITE XXXX Mosque." And when I pointed that out, not a single soul apologized, not a single soul uttered a thanks, not a single soul admitted their mistake. Instead, they would just grab the papers and walked away.
It does not help that I get this everyday and just 5 minutes ago.
Dont these people READ the ad???

*EDIT TO ADD*
Arghhhhhh...not another one!!

Back to my Bubbly self.

My check up yesterday was uneventful. Thank God!
All tests done came back negative. However, they are still waiting for the result of streptococcus test. What the hell is that? Never heard of that before. So, like a good girl I did a google search and found this out. Hmmm...no wonder my gynae mentioned something about putting me on antibiotics if the test came back positive. But, hopefully I wont hear from them at all.

Cerclage is still very much intact. Cervix has not shortened and is at 2.8cm. Sonographer was pretty sure that if I had plenty of rest, this baby will definitely be a full term one. She sang praises of my gynae whom she said always did a good job with cerclage. Phew!!

They did a scan on the baby and took the baby's weight. Currently, the baby weighs 2.1kg and my gynae was very pleased with that. So far, this is the biggest I have gone for all 4 pregnancies. My 3 kids were nowhere near 2kg at 32weeks scan, so hopefully, she is going to be a chubby baby but wait a minute, my gynae is now planning to have me go through caesarean at an earlier date. She checked my cerclage and said that my cervix is quite soft. She was afraid that my baby's pushing and frequent movements may affect the cervix and cerclage may burst. I agreed to have it scheduled on 18th July. I will be 37 weeks by then. But now, I am having second thoughts. My best friend is celebrating her daughter's 1st birthday on the 24th July and I have promised her that I'd be present on that day no matter what and now I may have to miss it. I have promised to make her a pinata and some chocolate cereal cup cakes with drizzles of hundreds and thousands and I really hate to disappoint her.
I actually missed her wedding because I gave birth to Naseer on the same week. That was a big disappointment because we had prepared everything together from make up artist to wedding dress to hotel locations and sampling of food. I even chose her beautiful wedding gown for her and after all the preparation, I had to miss her wedding coz I was giving birth to Naseer.

So, most probably, I may have to postpone the scheduled date back to 25th July. I hate to disappoint her again. But she did suggest that if I cant change it to 25th July, she's just gonna celebrate her daughter's birthday a week earlier, on the 17th instead. Aaaahh, she is truly a best friend.

Anyway, my weight has sky-rocketed to 54.4kg. Wow!! I was never this big! No wonder, my thighs rub as I walk and I am breathless and tired ever so often. My tummy is quite protruding and I have an outie now. Despite all that, I hardly get offers of seats in the packed, crowded train. Singaporeans!! Shame on you!!

At ease now.

Thank you so much for all your well wishes. I went in to the hospital yesterday and was directed to the labor ward. *Gulp* I was almost hysterical when I heard labor ward. Went in and they wanted to admit me but I refused and asked for triage.
So, I went in the room, had the straps on for monitoring the baby's movement and contractions.

They monitored me for about 45minutes. Confirmed that what I had was not contractions but Braxton Hicks or false contractions. I was shocked because it was painful and the pain stretched to my back. She told me it was mainly because my baby was very active, she was moving non-stop and maybe because I have a weak womb and cervical incompetence, her movements trigger pain.

They then did a speculum test to check on the discharge. Thankfully, it was mainly due to an infection, which they suspected could be from my cerclage or urine. So, they took a vaginal swab and urine samples. Will get the result hopefully by today.
A "ve" was also done and my cervix is still closed and dr also confirmed that my cerclage is still very much intact.

She wanted me to stay overnight for observation. I declined because my parents are going off to KL over this weekend and I simply cannot leave the kids alone at night.

Will go in again today for my scan and meet my gynae. I bet she would order complete bedrest again till I am due.

I am so grateful that I was not contracting. Now, I feel so much at ease.
Thanks once again for wishing me well. I am so happy to have you guys as my friends.

Please not again.

I had contractions last night. Not the painful sort but very regular and frequent. This morning, there was a brownish mucousy discharge. I am scared.

Love Story

"He was a neighbour and a teacher in the nearby school. Each day, as he rode the bicycle past our house, he would stop by at the corner and waited for me to come to the window just to wave at him. Most of the time, he would gesture for me to come down, meaning that there was something for me. He had bought me many gifts. From food to handbags, nice looking materials and many more. I liked him a lot. In fact, I was falling in love with him.

I never failed to wait for him each day, unless on days when my shooting schedule stretched after 6pm. I would miss him that day but during the night, I could hear him at the nearby corner ringing his bicycle bell and I would sneak out of the house just to see his face.

He was very good looking. Fair and tall. Many girls had commented that he was a good catch and they were right. None of them knew that this man had captured my heart and he belonged to me. I always blushed whenever the other girls talked about him but I never mentioned to them about our little daily rendezvous. It was our well-kept secret. Both of us had our own career. He was a school teacher, well respected by all. And me, I was a budding actress, popular but holding a job that was not very favourable among the conservatives.

We had wanted to marry. I was so happy. I would do anything for this man. I would give up my career, my money, my popularity just to be with him. He deserved it. He was such a good person and he loved me to death. What else could I ask for?

He proposed to me, at that same corner where he waited for me daily with his bicycle. He wrapped that beautiful little ring in a white embroidered hanky. It was a simple gold ring. But he engraved our initial on it. It was beautiful. I was in tears. I said yes immediately. He cried too. Tears of happiness. Nobody knew how happy we were. He told me that he would inform his mom about us. That, he'd get her to come over during the weekend for the proposal ceremony. I was so pleased.

I was flushing with happiness throughout that week, always looking at that beautiful ring that he bought me, running my thumb over our engraved initials. I could not sleep at night and I fumbled over the scripts.

When I told my mom about this, she was tearing with happiness. I had never seen her so happy before. After all, he was a teacher, well respected with a good job and good pay. I should feel honored that he wanted me as his wife. Me, a nothing, just an actress. I could understand how proud my mom was of me.

That weekend, we got up early to cook some goodies for the guests. I helped mom cleaned the house and put up the new drapes. I made our humble looking abode looked presentable, it was as if we were expecting a queen as guest. I was so happy, my heart was beating so fast and I was so excited, all the time looking at that beautiful ring that I had slipped onto my necklace.

That evening, his mom came. She came alone. She stepped onto the house, walked around it and stared at my mom. My mom invited her to sit but she refused then she said, "Just what make you think that I would let my son marry your daughter. She is an actress. Actresses are shit-eaters. Once you eat shit, you will eat shit all your life. My son is a teacher. I would never allow this marriage to take place. Over my dead body." With that, she stepped out of the house and as she walked down the steps, she spat at the side. SHE SPAT!

I ran to my room and cried my heart out. Mom did not come into the room at all that night. I knew she must have been heart broken. But what about me? My life, my dreams, my love? I loved him so much how could she hold my job against me. This was so unfair. I was willing to give up everything for him. Surely she knew that. I did not care for his money or his title. I only cared for him. I only wanted to be with him. Be his wife. Be his love for the rest of his life. Was that too much to ask?

The next morning, when I was about to leave the house, mom came up to me and said, "You heard what she say? Do you still want to marry him? His mother insulted you. The words she used. She placed you lower than animals. Do you still want to be with him?" I just stared at mom and left.

I did not know what to think or do. My head was ringing with his mom's stabbing words. I knew that I wanted to be with him but I could not accept what she said. I was insulted. I was hurt. I hated her. I hated her so much.

I took a slow walk home and stepped into the house. I went to my room, took out my necklace, slipped the ring out of it and wrapped it nicely with the hanky that he gave. Then I placed the wrapped up ring in my jewellery box. I stared at space for quite some time when the familiar ring of a bicycle bell brought me back to reality. I did not budge, I just sat there staring. Then I reached out for a piece of paper and wrote a letter. A simple letter. "I am sorry. Your mom does not like me. Let's just end it."

I folded that letter nicely and with letter in hand, I walked out of the house. He was there, still waiting. I went up to him. I refused to look at his face because I knew that I would cry. I just placed the letter in that tiny basket on his bicycle, turned and walked away. I walked away slowly. Tears clouded my eyes and my heart ached to turn back and see him for the last time. I could hear loud sobs. I could hear him telling me to stay. He'd work things out with his mom. He told me not to break his heart but I had too much pride. I could not marry this man. I could not marry the son of a woman who insulted me so horribly. Yes, I loved him. But I could not marry him now, not after knowing what his mom felt about me.

I continued walking and I went up to my house and locked myself in the room. I cried the whole day. And as I cried, I could hear him ringing his bell furiously for hours outside. I just stayed in my room.
Alone."

My Mom's First Love.

Beware the pregnancy hormones.

Urgghh!! Today is a bad day. Early in the morning, had a tiff with the spouse over how much we should pay for the hospital bill. He wanted to pay more and I wanted to pay less because I wanted to use cash to pay our cable and handphone bills. I mean, what is the point of putting it on credit card when we have to pay back plus interest in future. It just does not make sense right?

Then, when I went to the ATM machine to deposit some cash, I had to leave my card there. I believed it must have been retained by the machine and now I had to rush to the bank to have a replacement done. They can mail it to me but I have to wait a week and I have an appointment at the hospital this Friday and I need cash.

Argghhh!!! What a pea-brain!!

And it does not help that I did not sleep the whole of last night because I had heartburn and I came down with the sniffles. My nose is a runny tap and I was sitting up the whole night. Thank God for coffee, at least I am pretty much awake now, despite getting almost zilch sleep.

And my eyes, my eyes, they are a nightmare! The dark circles are horrible! No whitening cream can save the day. I need extreme makeover. I need a skin graft done. Maybe taken from my fair butt and plastered around my eyes.

Is this what pregnancy does to you? Make you ramble on and on and feel like you are an old lady, forgetting everything? Now, now, where's the mouse. I dont believe it! I cant even find the mouse!!

A Sunday Well-Spent.

Madagascar was nice. The boys enjoyed it but they told me that they still prefer Van Helsing and Elektra. *roll eyes* Zaza was very fidgety throughout the show. In the end, we gave up and she was roaming around the dark cinema, at least she was happier and since she was not disturbing the others, just merely going up and down the stairs, the spouse figured that it would be fine.

However, the highlight of the day was the show by Power Rangers at the Open Plaza. I thought they were having it at the Atrium but it seems like they had renovated that place and there is this big open area with playground and place to just hang out with food and drinks on the 4th floor. It was quite a cool setup and great for kids to run around and have fun. Anyway, the boys were so excited about the Power Rangers show that they refused to eat lunch at Macdonalds. I bought for them an ice cream each because they had not had lunch and it was already one but they could not even stomach the ice cream after a few spoonfuls. So this pregnant woman and her almost pregnant spouse had to finish 4 hot fudge. And we bought 5 Happy Meals home for the kids' lunch.

The Power Rangers' show was a-ok to me. Not that great. Naseer and Feroz had so many questions after the show.
"Why are the Power Rangers so skinny? The ones on tv are much bigger"
"Why didn't they call me on stage when I raised my hands? I knew all the answers and I could sing the Power Rangers song."
"Why must they choose that girl as a victim instead of me? I am small and lighter and definitely can fight them. That girl can only scream and cry." (needless to say, this came from Feroz)

But Naseer was very disappointed. He had wanted to win some of the Power Rangers' toys that they were giving out but since he was not selected to be on stage, he was sulking throughout the day and mumbling, "It's so unfair, it's so unfair."
I can understand his disappointment. I remembered how I wanted so much to win something in a show as a little girl but because I was not selected, another girl won it instead. I thought maybe I could teach him a thing or two about not always getting what he wants but as usual, I am very good at confusing little children and in the end I gave up.

Zaza was having a time of her life at the show because the spouse was holding her up on his shoulders and she was screaming and laughing and if you asked her what was the best thing from that outing she'd say, "Sitting on daddy's shoulders."
Haha, simple pleasures in life.

All in all, we had a good outing. The spouse did not lose his temper and the kids were very much well-behaved except for Zaza who insisted that she wanted to ride on a red color cab instead of the blue Comfort cab that stopped for us simply because she was wearing a red jumper. I mean, who cares whether her clothes blend with the taxi? So she hollered and screamed that she wanted a red cab to match her red jumper and luckily, it was a short journey home and by the time we reached home, she was so exhausted that she fell asleep after I nursed her.

And you guys know what was the best thing about this whole outing. I had no cramps, the spouse and Gamar (my niece) were such a dear and holding onto the kids most of the time and all of us enjoyed ourselves tremendously.

Damn Cramps!!

I hit 31 weeks today and I am getting more and more anxious by day. I started getting severe cramps yesterday at my side and it affected me quite badly. I got pretty shaken up coz I needed to walk real slowly and images of me rushing to the hospital when I had Feroz prematurely came back.

It felt like stitches, you know, like what you'd get on your side after a run. I called the spouse and he told me to take cab back home but I was already at my estate. So I took a slow walk home. The cramps went away after a while. The night went by uneventfully but I could feel pressure when I walked. However, I was awoken from sleep by a sudden cramp that gripped my right leg and the cramps came back at the sides again. I had difficulty falling back to sleep after that.

Today, it feels much better but I realised that I am finding it a chore to walk. I tire out easily and there is pressure around my vaginal area. I am scared. My c-section is scheduled for the 25th July and I have 7 more weeks to go.
I hope that all these are just false alarm. Today, we are cancelling our plans to go to the in laws because the spouse wanted me to rest in bed. But he had purchased 5 tickets for the kids to watch Madagascar tomorrow. And the boys are so looking forward to watching Power Ranger. They are going to stage a performance at Tampines Mall Atrium and we have promised them lunch at Macdonalds'. It's been ages since we had a family outing. And I really hate to disappoint the kids.

Worse come to worse, if I still feel the pressure, the spouse will have to go without me. Really, I dont know how he is going to cope with 3 kids all by himself. Maybe we'll get my dad to come along.

I hope the cramps will go away soon. I wanna watch Madagascar too. :)

That face!!

Last evening, after work, I was at Watsons. Just had to grab a small item and I was off at the cashier counter. Since the Watsons at Eastpoint Mall is kind of small and cramp, the cashier counter looked very busy despite having only 3 or 4 people queuing to pay up. So, I just stood behind a man with his family and waited for my turn to be served.

Then, out of nowhere, a lady came and went straight to the counter. I knew at that point of time that she did not queue and there was already quite a line forming behind me. She went up to the cashier and asked where she could get some items. Being busy, the cashier just pointed to the isle next to her and said, "It's there." without even looking up. The lady then grabbed some of the facial masks, went back up to the cashier and threw it at the counter. Then she demanded to see the manager.

I turned and looked at the man behind me. He shook his head and said, "No manners."
Surprisingly, even though I was pissed, I was not quite affected by that lady's rudeness. I was too tired and I felt like it's really not worth my time arguing with people like her. On my aggressive days, the culprit would be insulted indefinitely.

Then, the manager came to the counter and tried to resolve the issue. The lady claimed that the cashier was rude and refused to attend to her even though she was at the counter for so long. All lies, and she thought we have no eyes. The cashier looked at me desperately and said, "Maam, she did not queue right? And she threw her facial pack at me right?" I just nodded. The manager then asked me, "Did she do that?" Eh..am I the one on trial here?
Before I could answer, the lady interrupted and said that she wanted the cashier's name and would wanna file a complaint. She then went on to say that she would write to the papers, to the media, to the forum, etc. Tsk, tsk, tsk. So shameless. You were lacking of manners and you want to blame the whole world. This set me thinking, how many people out there actually cry wolf when they were the ones who were at fault. Pity men who get accused of molest when they had always kept their hands to themselves.

Anyway, the manager told her that it was a small matter and there was no reason to pursue the issue. He then returned her change and she walked out of the store. The man behind me then voiced out, "But she did cut queue and threw the packs." Then again the manager looked at me, (as if I was the only one there who would not lie?) "She did that is it maam?"
"Yes, she did. Well, no point arguing with people like her. Obviously, she has no manners." I had to say something right?

So, even though that lady walked out of the store without being lambasted, I knew that she was definitely embarrassed coz despite her attempts to make the cashier looked bad, everyone knew that she was the one who was rude and has totally no respect for others.

And the best part is, I remember her face. YES, I know exactly how she looks like and I bet every one else in that store who witnessed the incident remember that face too.
And one day, if I ever bump into her when I am not in the best of mood, she'll get her just desserts.

Choices

Father in law called and apologized to the spouse. I know that it must have taken a lot for him to do that. He is a very proud man. He often bottle up his feelings and will not let emotions get in his way. The spouse is very much like his dad in that sense. Both are stubborn, proud and if any of them has made a decision, they will not budge from it. That, I am afraid, was what led to their strained relationship. They are too similar in character traits. To think that the spouse is the only child. *sigh*

Anyway, father in law wanted him to come back and take over the company for good. He is planning to retire to India and leave everything to the spouse. All he asked was for a percentage of profit to go to his account every month. In other words, he will still be very much a shareholder. Fair enough I thought. He started, ran and OWNED the business single handedly. It is just right that he get to taste the fruits of his own labor. The spouse, on the otehr hand, wanted him to hand everything over because the spouse could not work with his dad. He will send money every month and his dad will still gets a portion of whatever he wants but let the spouse run his own show. That is the only thing the spouse is asking for.

I am not too sure about this. I know my father in law. He thinks he is invincible. He will say this now but I somehow feel that he will turn back and eat his words. The spouse thought the same. It's too risky to give up whatever the spouse has worked for in his current workplace. He has earned a lot of respect from his colleague through his hardwork and is now up for a promotion and I am just so afraid that it would all come crashing like it did the last time.

We had it all worked out. A sum of money stashed for the kids education while I stay home and take care of them. Then father in law had to stage an act that hurt every one and on top of that, Feroz was born premature and we incurred huge medical fees. That set us back. We had bills to pay and the spouse was jobless for months. It was a hard life but thankfully, we managed.

Due to that, I am so hesitant to say yes, go for it, and the spouse, he is buying time.
My dad is strictly against it, telling the spouse that business in Singapore is doing so badly due to the economy but we both know that the spouse is very good at this and he could handle this better than anything else.

I really do not know what to do. Sometimes, I wish I have a crystal ball to just take a peek to the future but then again....

I wish it is not this complicated.

Horrible Creature

Rana Ismail was a volunteer at our mosque. He used to come in everyday to pray and sometimes when we have functions, he would hang around to help us. He was always dressed in turban like headgear, in black neat long sleeve shirt and pants.

From day one I joined this mosque, I had never liked him. In fact, I hated him. Why? Because this guy has a holier-than-thou attitude and often came to the counter to preach. I hated talking to him because in his eyes, he was the only God-fearing creature and the rest of us are scums. Well, he did not say that exactly but that was how he made me feel.

Every Friday, he would come to the counter and asked me for the donation box to place in the male's prayer hall. I would pass it to him and pretended to be busy because he would not budge. He would talk about religious issues or topics and bombard me with religious questions. I often ignored him or acted like I was plain stupid until one day when he insulted me. Then I asked him one simple question, "All these talk about religion but you are jobless and living off your mom, does that make you better than any of us here?" He was offended and started cursing me, saying that I did not know the true essence of religion where a child is supposed to take care of the mother. Hmmm...very debatable, he spent the whole day at the coffee shop opposite our mosque and not work. Even the coffee shop lady complained that he often came in and asked for free coffees. Most of the time, he would just walk off when the workers were busy.

I HATE HIM!! I DESPISE HIM and I hate looking at his face.

Then, one day, he got in an argument with someone in the mosque. It was a big thing. I do not know the exact details but that kept him away from the mosque and spared me from the preaching and that disgusting face. However, he would still come in every day during prayer times and you could see him sipping free coffee at the coffeeshop opposite every day in the evening.

The last time I saw him was last Saturday evening, around 5pm at the same coffee shop.

Then today, when I read the papers, this was what I saw.

CHARGED WITH MOLESTING BOY
A 44 year old man was charged yesterday with 2 counts of molesting a 12-year old boy in a hut within the compound of a mosque in Marine Parade Road.
No plea was taken from Rana Ismail.
He allegedly massaged the boy's groin area and rubbed against his back while holding him under his armpits.
The alleged offences took place at Masjid Kampong Siglap at about 1am on Monday.
He is remanded until June 14 for a psychiatric examination. If found guilty he faces up to 2 years in jail and a fine or the cane.

Bloody pervert!! I knew he was trouble all along. Hopefully he'll get caned till his butt split and spew blood and may they keep him away for the maximum time.

Age catching up?

I was washing my face last night in the toilet when I realised that I have aged considerably. I have dark circles round my eyes, crow's feet and I noticed that my cheeks have sagged quite a bit.

I looked at my neck and wondered if the turkey neck will be forming soon since everything else is giving way to gravity (let's not talk about my breasts ok, they are forever paying homage to the ground).

I told the spouse about it and he told me that was stale news, that I have always looked like that. I did not hit the roof. Instead, I took out the albums and looked at the old photographs. And the spouse pointed out one photograph taken when I was 22. I was laughing in that photo, "See there, the dark circles and crow's feet. It's been there all along." He was right. I have always had this facial handicap and had never really realised it. I guess, I never pay much attention about looking good and taking care of my skin.

Of course, being a Plain Jane who hates make-up (except occasional lipstick) and the whole regime of good skincare routine, contributes greatly to me looking like this now and I felt my heart skipped a bit when I thought about how I would look like ten years down the road. Will I look like the spouse's mother? And what if I do? I'd be hanging around the void deck sitting and chatting with women like myself while the hubbies are busy kicking soccer ball in the nearby field. Then someone sauntered towards us and said, "Oh, you old ladies watching your kids play soccer?" No can do!! It's bad enough that I dont have good teeth. (2 already extracted and I had lost 3 wisdom tooth) I hope I dont have to use a denture before I hit 40.

So I told the spouse that since he is getting his bonus, I need some money to buy some toner, moisturiser, facial cleanser and maybe treat myself to some nice facial and a good dental treatment. This cant go on! Yes, I want to grow old gracefully but not so soon! And guess what the spouse said, "No way am I letting you spend on vanity products. I'll give you the money but you use it on something else, not on some facial products that may not even work. By the way, what makes you think that you can get rid of all those imperfections overnight? Those advertisements are just gimmicks, lies and hell, I dont care even if your face looks like the crocodile skin. I can live with that"

Awww...that was so sweet. I felt touched by what he said and told him that I'd just let nature take its course (good idea? no?) and I swear I heard him mutter under his breath, "Thank you God, you just saved me a few hundred bucks."